while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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