Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
