Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
