are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
