i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
