someone owes me an orgasm
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
