My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i think i scared a bird with my dick
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
that is very illegal...i love you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
