I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize