using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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