i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
