I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
