guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
