he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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