I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
