i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
