we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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