No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
