well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
