i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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