my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Randomize
