Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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