you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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