if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
