Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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