it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
