About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
