I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
