I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
