You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
