My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize