Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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