I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
