Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
