I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This is the high leading the old right now
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
