Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
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