My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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