Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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