just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
