Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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