Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
