Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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