I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
