I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
