Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
