Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
