positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
