:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i've created a new STD.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
