So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I FOUND THE LEGS
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
