hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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