That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
