i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
