from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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