I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
