I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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