One girl and one boy is just not enough.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
