You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
