This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
