Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
