Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
