I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
