I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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