Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
