1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
