theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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