Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
