she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
