Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
