So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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