i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
