I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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