In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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