he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
