life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
