Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
