he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize