i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
