So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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