did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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