Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
