I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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