Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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