I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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