why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
