The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
