i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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